confession: I was 16 and pregnant, I got drunk one night and lost my baby

I was 16 and pregnant, I got drunk one night and lost my baby

I’ve never told anyone this, not one person. I was very young, 
16 and pregnant. I accidentally got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. I was very small and I was hardly showing. One night, I went to a park with my friend and some boys. I can’t remember what I was thinking or why I was so overwhelmed but one of the boys brought alcohol. My friend knew I was pregnant but the boys didn’t. Doesn’t matter who knew anyway, it was my decision to drink. I ended up having sex with one of the boys while very intoxicated.
I was 5 month and 3 weeks pregnant. So very early. I had been out from being with my boyfriend and we had sex (a week after drinking) When I got home, I felt this weird pain I couldn’t describe and my water broke. When I looked I saw blood mixed with some clear liquid running down my leg. I was so confused. I went to the hospital and I could tell by the way everyone was talking to me that something was wrong. The doctors proceeded to give me an epidural and I proceeded the give birth to my dead child. The doctors told me after I was finished and they let me hold her. The doctor told me something wasn’t quite right with my baby but no one ever really told me why it happened.
As you can imagine, I carry a lot of guilt from this. I’m only sharing because I’ve never told anyone and people feel so bad for me when they know I’ve lost a child but it’s actually my fault.
So there’s my confession.. I feel bad enough and know I made a horrible decision so no need to tell me.
5 months  and 3 weeks isn’t early in the pregnancy, it’s early for labor as in the baby would have been extremely premature
And yes, I cheated.
The point was to tell my story, nothing less nothing more.

this is an anonymous confessions from r/Confession.

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